So, as Anheuser-Busch has learned, one bad ad can really mess up your whole year. That company put a transgender person’s face on a can of Bud Light – and their stock crashed. Turns out, most guys don’t want to mix cheap beer and chicks with —-, and they also don’t want to be told that they’re bigots for feeling that way. But what about a more upscale brand like, say, luxury cars?

Jaguar just unveiled a new ad campaign. It’s got everyone talking when they aren’t actually puking. And yes, the obvious point will be made if they’re talking about it. And it worked, right? I mean, Alec Baldwin had everyone talking about Rust – not sure if that sold movie tickets. 

What the hell was that? Was that a lineup of all the previous Biden-Harris Cabinet picks? It’s weird. It looks like Toucan Sam followed his nose into a huge pile of cocaine. It looked more like a Kudlow hot tub party than a car ad. And look, if I want to see unattractive men in heavy makeup, I’ll watch ‘Jesse Watters Primetime’. 

JAGUAR MARKETING DIRECTOR’S COMMENTS CELEBRATING COMMITMENT TO DEI RESURFACE AFTER ‘WOKE’ REBRAND

And what’s with the slogans? Create exuberance. Was that translated from Fabio’s dating profile? Live vivid, sounds like something the handsy drama teacher wrote in everyone’s yearbook. Copy nothing – sounds like the Asian kid I sat next to in algebra right before every test. But I haven’t seen that many empty slogans since Kamala Harris lost. Of course, all that was missing in the ad was a car. Now, on one level, the ad agency did its job. It made a splash on social media. But then again, if I took a giant dump on a plate of mashed potatoes and put it online, I’m pretty sure that would cause a splash too. Which is the point.

The people Jaguar is appeasing are on social media, which I guess are gay Martian carnival freaks who don’t buy Jaguars. But as one Jaguar exec said, the goal is to make you feel uncomfortable. You did it. But if I want to be uncomfortable, I’ll go to Brit Hume’s annual massage weekend in Sag Harbor.

PRO-FAMILY VOLVO AD CELEBRATED ON SOCIAL MEDIA FOLLOWING JAGUAR REBRAND BACKLASH

If you want to cause distress, you could’ve saved a whole bunch of money. Just show Joe Biden eating a baby. Now, a lot of people assume Jaguar has gone woke. Well, thanks for connecting the dots, Matlock. Last summer, Jaguar took part in the ‘Attitude Awards’, which honored gay icons like Elton John and people who aren’t Elton John. Jaguar’s head of brand strategy, a BLM supporting designer, spoke at the event. 

Ugh, shut the —- up! It’s a car company, for Christ’s sake – not drag queen story hour. How about telling me how many cup holders it has? He used more woke buzz words than Joy Reid saying grace on Thanksgiving – diverse, inclusive, unified, culture. I can’t believe Biden didn’t put him in charge of nuclear waste.

JAGUAR DUBBED ‘BUD LIGHT 2.0’ AFTER RELEASING MODERNIST REBRANDING AD WITH ANDROGYNOUS MODELS, NO CARS

And he boasted that Jaguar has 15 DEI groups. Now, the last time I checked Pornhub… there aren’t that many racists. But it’s not just one DEI group – it’s 15, which is evidence of the parasitic consequences of a competing but non-profit-making goal. And none of them participate in the company’s mission, which is to make a great car that turns a profit instead of its own competing goal, which is self-preservation. 

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It only grows like a cancer within every company it inhabits. I’m willing to bet that at Jaguar, there are more DEI administrators than car designers. I can’t wait to see what the car looks like. Want to bet it’s an automatic – but identifies as a stick?