Emotional intelligence is associated with an ability to change over time as you learn and grow.

People with low emotional intelligence are often more rigid and will fight efforts to shift or evolve. Strong convictions are important, but so is being open to new possibilities.

What to say instead: “I need to think more about what you’re saying. I want to be open to feedback about myself, even when it’s hard to hear.”

Having a blatant disregard for other people’s feelings is a sign of low emotional intelligence.

Displaying a lack of empathy for others, especially when they are going through a tough time, makes it hard to develop mutually beneficial, supportive relationships.

What to say instead: “I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling upset. How can I be helpful to you right now?” 

When given feedback, emotionally intelligent people will make the effort to look for nuance.

Instead of getting stuck in extremes, they focus more on understanding the other person’s lived experience.

What to say instead: “I want to hear your perspective even when I don’t see things the way you do. Can you help me understand why you’re feeling this way?”

Being able to hear someone else’s experience without overreacting or taking it personally is a key sign of emotional intelligence. It means that you have a high sense of self-awareness and self-esteem.

What to say instead: “I understand you’re really struggling right now. Although I hear that you’re upset with me, I think that your reaction may have more to do with your past than it does with what I’m doing right now. Do you think that’s true?”

Emotionally intelligent people can put themselves in someone else’s shoes. This makes them more open to forgive the other person for any perceived mistakes, compared to someone who is less secure.

What to say instead: “I’m having a hard time forgiving you right now. But I’m actively working to let go of this resentment and anger, because I’d like us to be able to repair this and move forward.”